Taming the Inner Critic: An ACT Mindfulness Approach to Self-Judgement

We all have that voice inside our heads—the one that whispers (or sometimes shouts) about what we should have done, what we could have said, or what we must achieve to be “enough.” For many of my clients, this voice, often called the inner critic, becomes a relentless judge, setting impossibly high standards and weaving a web of self-defeating behaviours. Through the lens of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and mindfulness, I’d like to guide you on how to recognise when your inner critic takes centre stage, understand what it’s trying to do, and learn practical steps to respond with greater self-compassion and clarity.

Recognising the Inner Critic: The Telltale Signs  

The inner critic often sneaks into our thoughts unnoticed, masquerading as a motivator or a protector. But its language gives it away. Pay attention to moments when your mind starts using words like:  

• “I should have worked harder on that project.”  

• “If only I would have spoken up in that meeting.”  

• “I could have done better if I wasn’t so lazy.”  

• “I must get this perfect, or I’ll look like a failure.”  

These words often signal rigid rules or expectations that your inner critic has created. They’re red flags that you’re being pulled into a cycle of self-judgement rather than self-reflection. The inner critic thrives on comparison, perfectionism, and unrealistic standards, and when we buy into its narrative, we set the bar so high that it’s impossible to reach. This creates a losing battle—one where we feel defeated before we even start.

What Does It Mean When the Inner Critic Shows Up?  

From an ACT perspective, the inner critic isn’t the enemy—it’s a part of your mind trying to protect you. It might be saying, “If I push you to be perfect, you’ll avoid failure,” or “If I criticise you, you’ll stay safe from rejection.” While its intentions might stem from a desire to help, its methods are often harsh and unhelpful. The inner critic creates a web of thoughts that trap you in cycles of shame, procrastination, avoidance, or overworking—all of which are self-defeating behaviours that reinforce the belief that you’re not good enough.

For example, if you tell yourself, “I should be more productive,” and then don’t meet that expectation, you might feel guilty and procrastinate further. This avoidance only strengthens the critic’s narrative, pulling you deeper into the web of self-judgement.

What to Do: An ACT Mindfulness Approach  

ACT offers a powerful framework to work with the inner critic by cultivating mindfulness, acceptance, and action aligned with your values. Here are some steps to help you untangle yourself from the web of self-judgment and move toward a more compassionate relationship with yourself:

1. Notice the Inner Critic (Mindfulness)

The first step is simply to recognise when the inner critic shows up. Practice observing your thoughts without getting caught up in them. For example, when you hear, “I should have done better,” pause and label it: “Oh, there’s my inner critic again.” This act of noticing creates a small space between you and the thought, helping you see it as just a thought—not the truth.

   A helpful mindfulness exercise:  

• Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.  

• Imagine your thoughts as clouds passing by in the sky. When a judgmental thought arises, notice it, label it (“inner critic”), and let it drift by without grabbing onto it.

2. Defuse from the Thought (Cognitive Defusion)

In ACT, we use cognitive defusion techniques to loosen the grip of unhelpful thoughts. Instead of arguing with the inner critic or trying to prove it wrong (which often backfires), you can create distance from its words. Try these strategies:  

• Add a prefix to the thought: Instead of “I should have done better,” say, “I’m noticing I’m having the thought that I should have done better.” This subtle shift helps you see the thought as just a string of words, not a fact.  

• Give your inner critic a silly name or voice: Imagine it as a cartoon character or a grumpy old troll muttering in the background. This can lighten its impact and remind you not to take it so seriously.

3. Accept the Feeling (Acceptance)

The inner critic often stirs up uncomfortable emotions like guilt, shame, or anxiety. Instead of fighting these feelings or trying to push them away, practice allowing them to be there. Acceptance doesn’t mean you like the feelings—it means you stop struggling against them. Ask yourself, “Can I make space for this discomfort, even just for a moment?”  

For example, if you feel shame after missing a deadline, acknowledge it: “I’m feeling ashamed right now, and that’s okay. It’s part of being human.” By accepting the emotion, you reduce its power to drive self-defeating behaviours like avoidance or overcompensation.

4. Connect with Your Values (Values-Based Action)

The inner critic often distracts us from what truly matters by focusing on rigid rules or perfectionism. In ACT, we shift our focus to our values—the qualities or principles that give our lives meaning. Ask yourself:  

• “What matters most to me in this situation?”  

• “What would I do if I weren’t caught up in ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’?”  

For instance, if you value connection but your inner critic says, “I must be the perfect friend,” you might avoid reaching out because you fear falling short. Instead, focus on a small, values-aligned action: “I can call a friend and just be present with them, even if I don’t have all the answers.”

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Finally, respond to your inner critic with kindness. Imagine what you’d say to a dear friend who was struggling with the same thoughts. You might say, “It’s okay to make mistakes—you’re doing your best.” Offer yourself the same gentleness: “I’m human, I’m learning, and I don’t have to be perfect to be worthy.”

Moving Forward: A Kinder Path  

The inner critic may never fully go away—it’s part of how our minds work. But with an ACT mindfulness approach, you can change your relationship with it. Instead of fighting a losing battle against impossible standards, you can learn to notice the critic’s voice, step back from its judgements, and choose actions that align with who you want to be.

If you find yourself caught in the web of “shoulds,” “woulds,” and “musts,” take a deep breath and remind yourself: You’re not alone, and you don’t have to be perfect. By practicing mindfulness, defusion, acceptance, and values-based action, you can loosen the grip of self-judgement and create space for self-compassion and growth.

What’s one small step you can take today to respond to your inner critic with curiosity rather than criticism? Start there—and know that every step forward counts.

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